June 11th 2006

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
Al Qaida leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed today. According to media reports U.S. warplanes dropped 500-pound bombs on his isolated safe house. I wonder how the “unsafe” house would be.......According to high ranked officials what should be thanked for the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was the 25, not the $25 millions bounty on his head but the almost 25 percent approval rating of president Bush.

Oil prices sank Thursday following the death of al-Qaida leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. When Dick Chenney heard the news about oil, he asked the military if he is still in time to give Zarqawi mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Iraqis gathered on the streets and celebrated the death of al-Zarqawi with gun fire. Sadly, they were aiming at each other and at the American troops.

Al Qaida leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed yesterday. According to media reports U.S. warplanes dropped 500-pound bombs on the Democratic Party.

The first photos of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's new daughter have arrived. People magazine paid a reported four million-dollars for the North American rights to the snapshots. The magazine made a heck of a deal if we compare it to the $25 million that the Bush administration had to pay for the picture of al-Zarqawi.

Immigration
In a gathering of Hispanic leaders, President Bush said Thursday that the idea that the United States could force millions of illegal immigrants to return home "ain't gonna work." Ironically, in the same meeting Bush said that illegal immigrants should be required to learn English.

Ann Coulter
Right wing conservatives are very concerned with the outrageous and preposterous comments that Ann Coulter made during her several TV appearances, not because they disagree with her but because they are afraid that men might despise Ann so much, they would decide to go gay and get married.

Ann Coulter's insane beef with the 9-11 widows that were displeased with the Bush administration, has catapulted her book to number one. The good news for Ann is that if the war in Iraq continues like this, she will have a lot more disgruntled widows to argue with.

During an interview on the Today Show, radio Host Ann Coulter called the 9-11 widows that criticized Bush a bunch of millionaire broads that profit the death of their husbands. After hearing so much crap coming out of her mouth, a stunned Matt Lauer suggested that maybe Ann Coulter was the one that needed a Colonoscopy.

Gay Marriage

Conservatives say that the latest discussions on banning gay marriage have helped Bush to improve his ratings but might have also contributed with the collapse of the Market because CEOs in jail might not want to put out unless they are married first.

Patrick Kennedy
After coming out of rehab congressman Patrick Kennedy said he wants to be treated like a black man. When they heard that, all Republicans in Jail said they would like to be treated like a Mexican man, like an illegal Mexican, just pay a fine and leave.

White House
The Secret Service caught a man trying to climb over the White House fence, to what Clinton said: "what an amateur, I used to do it all the time and Hillary never caught me".

Snakes
An India News Agency reported that this Monday an Indian woman married a king cobra in a traditional Hindu ceremony. Apparently the King Cobra had traveled to Vegas for the bachelor party and used the footage for the movie "Snakes on a plane"

Brad and Angelina
After Angelina and Brad sold their baby photos for $5 million and donated the money to the people of Namibia. In an emotional ceremony citizens of Namibia gathered to thank the couple and showered them with significant presents, a lot of Viagra and sexy underwear so Brad can go and make more babies to sell more pictures.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have denied rumors of an immediate marriage. According to the couple, they dont want Oprah to crash their wedding too.