June 12th 2006

Iraq
In his latest radio address, president Bush said that he is thinking of reducing the number of troops in Iraq and hope to reassign them where they are most needed. Apparently the soldiers are going to be sent to Germany because somebody in Europe needs to cheer for the US soccer team during the world cup.


Al-Zarqawi

According to US forces Al-Zarqawi somehow managed to survive the impact of the bombs and was heard mumbling something before he died. Apparently the last words of the Al Qaeda leader were: "Holy Shiite, I didn’t have time to buy condoms "

Immediately after the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the US military released a picture of the face of the Al Qaida leader all bruised and covered in blood. After analyzing it, experts agreed that with that ugly face there’s no way al-Zarqawi holds any chances with any of the 72 Virgins.

According to US forces the bombs they used to strike Al-Zarqawi weight 250lbs and are called Oprah because from far away they look very small but once you have them close they are huge and you’d better run for cover.

Immigration
The US congress is still working on the possibility of a path to citizenship for illegal aliens. The disagreement among congressmen lies on the number of Mexicans they want to become Americans; so far they all agree on legalizing not 11 million, but 11 to make a new US soccer team that holds chances in the world cup.

Ann Coulter

German police have been on the lookout for any people that might incite violence with racist comments or symbols during the world cup. So far they have been pretty successful keeping Ann Coulter out of Germany.

Tom Delay
Accused of taking gifts from lobbyists, Congressman Tom Delay left Congress last Friday. The Ex majority leader gave an emotional speech and said he wants to go to Texas to think and rest. Now that he is out of congress he’ll probably have to get there hitchhiking.

Cars

The animated comedy "Cars" raced to first place at the weekend box office with a $62.8 million debut. According to experts the success relies on the fact that with the price of gas this is the only chance for a lot of Americans to see cars running.