August 27th 2007

Laura Bush
Laura Bush has been suffering from a pinched nerve in her neck and will not travel with the president to Sidney next month, the White House said on Sunday. Doctors determined the neck injury was caused by repeatedly saying "No" to some of her husband’s stupid ideas.

Alberto Gonzales
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced today his resignation. Gonzales said he resigned because he wanted to spend more time with Karl Rove's family.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned Friday but waited until Monday to announce his resignation. Apparently it took him two days to remember why he had resigned on Friday.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced today his resignation. People didn’t believe him when at the press conference he said he didn’t quit because of any wrongdoing but rather because he wanted to spend some time writing his memoirs

Stem Cell
U.S. researchers reported on Sunday that a nutritious cocktail helped human embryonic stem cells thrive and repair the damaged hearts of rats. Apparently more and more rats are suffering from heart attacks as a result of eating so often at Taco Bell and KFC.

U.S. researchers reported on Sunday that a nutritious cocktail helped human embryonic stem cells thrive and repair the damaged hearts of rats. This means they are ready to treat Dick Cheney whose heart is probably of the same size of a rat’s heart.

Britney
Britney Spears had another face-off with cops when she was pulled over by highway patrol for speeding on her way to Las Vegas. Britney explained later she was chasing one of her kids that stole her pack of camels.

Greece
The government of Greece offered a reward for anyone providing information that would lead to the arrest of the person that started a fire that has been racing across southern Greece since Friday. The believe the main suspect could be an arsonist or a clumsy athlete that knocked off the Olympic torch.

Owen Wilson
Actor Owen Wilson was hospitalized Sunday in Los Angeles and some celebrity Web sites were reporting he may have attempted suicide. Apparently he attempted suicide by watching his movie "You Me and Dupree"

Movies
Media By Numbers determined Sunday that because of all those blockbusters and threequels, Summer 2007 crossed the $4 billion mark, setting a new record for total domestic gross receipts. And $4 billion dollars is more or less what one of those blockbusters movies cost to produce.