August 15th 2007

11-year-old Martyr
11-year-old Palestinian child star Saraa Barhoum said that she is ready and willing to become a martyr for Hamas. Meanwhile my 11 year-old son complains because his choo choo train has too much lead paint.

Hamas TV's child star says she's ready for martyrdom. She said it could be suicide bombing, fighting the Israeli military or giving herself in adoption to Britney Spears.

Imus
Radio host Imus has reached a $20 million settlement with CBS and is free to negotiate a new contract with any other company. Imus is said to be extremely happy with the $10 million he got, because the other half had to go to Al Sharpton for doing him a favor.

Immigrants
A new study shows Hispanic immigrants to the U.S. are more likely to abuse alcohol. Apparently drinking alcohol is the only way illegals have to find encouragement to marry American women and get the green card.

The latest crack down on illegal immigration is making it harder for construction companies to get affordable labor. Things are getting so bad that ABC was forced to cancel Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

Oldest woman
The world's oldest person, a Japanese woman, has died at age 114. She had been born in 1883 the year when Colorado women were granted the right to vote, Rudolf Diesel received a patent for the diesel engine and Larry King debuted in CNN.

Hillary
Ellen DeGeneres will interview Hillary Clinton for the season premiere of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on September 4th. Producers of the show promised a revealing interview in which the well known lesbian, and suit wearer will have the chance to speak with Ellen.

Ellen DeGeneres will interview Hillary Clinton for the season premiere of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on September 4th. Ellen decided to get the interview after she became obsessed with Hillary’s cleavage.

The White House on Tuesday criticized Hillary’s latest TV ad. The ad said that if you are a family without health care you are invisible to Bush. The president called the ad outrageous because a family without health care is not invisible to him; he sees it; he just doesn’t care.

Lohan
TMZ.com reported that Lindsay Lohan is in rehab in Utah and was seen scrubbing toilets. Lohan’s agents summoned a press conference and made it clear Lindsay was not scrubbing toilets, she was just puking.