August 1st 2007

Sex study
A study by the University of Texas at Austin has identified 237 reasons why human beings have sex. Still my wife could not find a single one to do it with me this week.

A study by the University of Texas at Austin has identified 237 reasons why human beings have sex: The number one cited was physical attraction. Happy hour finished in close second.

Dick Cheney
During an interview with Larry King, Vice president Dick Cheney said that if he could do it all over again he would still send troops into Iraq even if that meant that more than 3,000 U.S. military personnel would be killed. Doctors uncorked champagne and celebrated the fact that Cheney’s latest heart surgery was a success and his heart is back to normal.

Larry King interviewed vice president Dick Cheney yesterday. They had to be in separate rooms though, for Cheney was strangely repelled by Larry King’s stench of garlic.

Larry King interviewed vice president Dick Cheney yesterday. Apparently both heartbeats combined make a normal heart.

Sunglasses
In a move to protect children's eyes from harmful UV rays, one Australian school has made sunglasses a compulsory part of the uniform. The idea was tried in the US but failed miserably after teachers got tired of students taking their glasses off after using some of the stupid CSI‘s Caruso’s one-liners.

Crocs
Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, has become the latest hospital to ban its staff members from wearing Crocs, because you could drop something like a syringe in one of the holes of the Crocs. Commissioner of Baseball, Bud Zelig, is expected to copy the ban among MLB players.

Labor Department
The Labor Department is expected to show an increase in 135,000 jobs in July when it reports monthly figures on Friday. The increase came from Limo drivers that got hired by Hollywood celebrities busted with DUIs.

The Labor Department said that the number of people saying that jobs are hard to get went down 2 percent. Unfortunately the number of people that said "I am tired of looking for a job" went up 2 percent as well.

Ethics
The House overwhelmingly passed a comprehensive ethics and lobbying reform bill Tuesday that among other things prohibited spouses from lobbying any Senate office. Senators high-fived each other after the bill passed because it doesn't matter which party they are from, none of them wants their spouses around.