July 26th 2007

Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan was arrested Tuesday on DUI charges and cocaine possession. The problems for Lindsay arouse when the cops suspected she was drunk, decided to do a sobriety test and asked her how she would do on a straight line, and Lindsay said: "Let me show you, do you have a mirror?"

NBC
NBC's "The Singing Bee" was the most popular program for the second week in a row, according to Nielsen Media Research. The show rewards those listeners with good memory, the kind you need to remember the last time NBC had a number 1 show.

Weekly World News
Publisher American Media Inc. said on Tuesday it will stop printing the Weekly World News, which for 28 years gleefully chronicled the exploits of alien babies, animal-human hybrids and dead celebrities. Executives claim the competition killed them; by competition they meant Fox News.

Publisher American Media Inc. said on Tuesday it will stop printing the Weekly World News, which for 28 years gleefully chronicled the exploits of alien babies, animal-human hybrids and dead celebrities. People are hesitant to believe the news because it was published in the Weekly World News.

Baby Boom
According to the Army Community Hospital’s officials, military bases are seeing a baby boom, with hospitals expecting to deliver 210 babies a month soon, nearly twice the usual number of deliveries. Apparently that is the only way soldiers can have someone taking care of them in the future.

According to the Army Community Hospital’s officials, military bases are seeing a baby boom, with hospitals expecting to deliver 210 babies a month soon, nearly twice the usual number of deliveries. According to the Army, now that they have a tough time recruiting soldiers, poking holes in their condoms doesn’t look like a bad idea.