July 19th 2007

All Night Long
Republicans claimed the all-night session Democrats pulled last Tuesday was all political theater, especially when Democrats invited camera crews to film the arrival of cots and a crib for Senator David Vitter.

After the camera crews were done filming the delivery of pizza to the cloakroom and the arrival of cots, the effort by Democrats to force a troop withdrawal from Iraq was defeated by Republicans after an all-night debate. Fortunately the cots were removed early yesterday morning and returned to the Walter Reed Hospital.

Kucinich
U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich, D-Ohio, was hospitalized this week in Cleveland after contracting a bout of food poisoning. Apparently he ate the mushroom he lives under.

U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich, D-Ohio, was hospitalized this week in Cleveland after contracting a bout of food poisoning. The police didn’t rule out an attempt to poison Kucinich and said that every man that saw a picture of his wife is a suspect.

China
China will fire rockets into the sky to scatter any rain clouds ahead of next year's Beijing Olympics to ensure perfect weather. With their late rate of success, it’ll probably rain cats and dogs, the ones they killed with their tainted pet food.

School
The average American family with school-age children will spend $563.49 on back-to-school merchandise this year. Most of the money on pepper spray and protection gear against teachers.