July 15th 2007

Iraq
White House spokesman Tony Snow said that the Iraqi lawmakers’ August vacation was justified because it’s 130 degrees in Baghdad and they needed to escape the scorching summer temperatures. Apparently Iraqi officials do not have the luxury of the fresh breeze of thousands of bullets our troops enjoy when they are being shot at.

Cigarettes
The price of a carton of cigarettes could go up again if congress passes a proposed legislation that would raise federal taxes on cigarettes. It is bad enough that we have to smoke outside of the bar and now we might have to hire a bodyguard to avoid being mugged.

Congress is planning legislation to raise federal taxes on cigarettes. The legislation will curve down the death rate for lung cancer; unfortunately it will increase the death rate for crime on the streets and heart attacks.

Bye bye plane
A woman said she and her toddler son were kicked off a plane after she refused a flight attendant's request to give her baby son Benadryl to get him to quiet down and stop saying "Bye bye, plane.” The mother was infuriated because she was left at the airport with no diapers, juice, milk and Benadryl to quiet her little bastard who would not stop saying "bye bye plane."

US Soccer team
The US soccer team returned from Venezuela after a poor performance at the American Soccer Cup where they almost didn’t score. The only one that understands them is Bush, who in 6 years has not reached a “goal” either.

Democrats
ABC News reported that Democratic rivals Sen. Hillary Clinton and former Sen. John Edwards, D-N.C., were caught on tape Thursday privately conferring and agreeing to have their campaigns collaborate. They denied any important agreement and said that they were just sharing hair tips.