July 2nd 2007

Bush
The Secret Service bailed out President Bush on Sunday when his boat anchor got wedged in rocks along the Atlantic Coast. Later on, the divers confessed the anchor didn’t get wedged in rocks, apparently “the war in Iraq, the immigration reform bill and Alberto Gonzales” were trying to sink Bush’s boat.

Flooding
Authorities say heavy rain in Texas has resulted in several flooded roads, which helps illegal immigrants to make a non-stop swim from the Rio Grande to Houston.

Terrorist Attacks
According to a survey most of the Americans were shocked by the latest thwarted terrorist attack in England where two Mercedes containing gasoline and nails outside a popular nightclub were supposed to blow up. Americans were not surprised of the terrorist attacks but rather by the fact somebody would want to blow up a Mercedes.

Obama
A barrage of small donations from grassroots supporters helped Barack Obama raise $32.5m in campaign funds over the past three months, outstripping Hillary Clinton, his biggest rival because apparently when it comes to get money from grass nobody can beat Obama.

Surveillance cameras
During a Sunday TV interview, Senator Joe Lieberman said that he wants more surveillance cameras across the country almost everywhere, like in London. Right after the interview, the TMZ website decided it to sue Lieberman for copywrite infringement.

During a Sunday TV interview, Senator Joe Lieberman said that he wants more surveillance cameras across the country almost everywhere, like in London. Apparently 20 angles of Britney Spear’s privates don’t seem enough.

Most politicians from both parties showed discontent after Joe Lieberman’s idea of adding surveillance cameras across the country. Apparently it is not because the camera might interfere with everybody’s privacy but rather because none of them would ever have a chance to run for anything.

Roseanne Barr
Gossip reporters believe that a liberal rant Roseanne Barr posted on her website site asking for the impeachment of President Bush is a sign she is desperate to get Rosie O’ Donnell’s job in “The View”. That and the fact that she is been seen trying to make out with any woman that approaches her.