June 26th 2007

Iranians
British Military intelligence said they have hard proof that the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps have crossed the border into Iraq to attack them. The Iranian government immediately dismissed the idea of an attack and claimed some Iranian soldiers just went to Iraq to get good tickets for the "Chemical” Ali execution.

Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton said that she spent most of her time in prison reading the bible. That is why she decided to give her first interview to Larry King, because she wanted Larry to tell her about the time he met Moses.

ABC, NBC and CBS decided not to interview Paris Hilton because they thought it could be embarrassing and taint their reputation, unlike Fox that decided not to have the interview because Paris rejected their idea of tongue-kissing Greta Van Susteren.

Cheney
Dick Cheney refused inspectors of the national Archives in his office. Apparently Cheney now wants to attack himself because he suspects he has some weapons of mass destruction.

Yao Ming
China’s All Star NBA centre Yao Ming will wed his teenage sweetheart from Shanghai in August. The couple already had several wedding ceremony rehearsals and no matter how hard they tried to explain to Yao, every time the bride tosses the bouquet he jumps and grabs it.

Mexico
According to a recent study a full 12% of Mexican American adults are virgins. Apparently the Mexican government promises its people that 72 virgins are going to have sex with them if they leave Mexico and cross the border.

Donations
Americans gave a record $300 billion to charitable causes last year. If my dad was right that most of the money you give to bums is probably for alcohol, we probably donated all the money to Lindsay Lohan and other Hollywood celebrity friends.