July 29th 2007

Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney had minor surgery Saturday to replace the implanted cardiac device that can monitor and correct his heart rhythm. Cheney was sedated for a couple of hours and during that time Bush had to assume the presidency.

Mr. Cheney had minor heart surgery and Saturday and had to be sedated for the procedure. According to the doctors they didn’t use a general anaesthetic to sedate the vice president, they just gave him the constitution to read and he immediately fell asleep.

Dick Cheney had minor surgery Saturday to replace the implanted cardiac device that can monitor and correct his heart rhythm. Doctors worked on Cheney’s heart without anesthesia because the heart has been asleep for years.

Dick Cheney had minor surgery Saturday to replace the implanted cardiac device that can monitor and correct his heart rhythm. The new device is much more modern and receives information from a gas pump so everytime gas prices go down it lowers Cheney’s heartbeat.

McDonalds
McDonalds reported a $ 712 million dollar second quarter loss. Apparently, the company lost a lot of money when Michael Vick got busted and they were forced to find a new producer of raw material for their burgers.

Fatness
According to a new study, you start gaining weight when you are surrounded by fat people, because you start changing your idea of what is an acceptable body size. That explains why Al Gore is so fat; he’s been hanging around with polar bears to protect them.

ABC
An ABC building was temporarily evacuated Thursday because of a suspicious envelope containing a white powdery substance that turned out to be aspirin. ABC executives explained later that they usually mail aspirins to their employees to cope with the headaches caused by "The View."