July 30th 2007

Cheney
Dick Cheney had minor surgery Saturday. Right after the operation and while Cheney was sedated, doctors were encouraged by millions of people to place bowls of milk, catnip and tuna on his bed to see if it attracted the attention of Oscar, the famous nursing home cat.

Iraq
Iraq defeated Saudi Arabia, 1-0, to win the Asian Football Cup Championship Sunday. The Saudi Arabian couch said that none of his players would dare stop that Iraqi forward, because he was fast, skillful and had dynamite strapped to his body.

The Iraqi soccer team obtained a historic victory over Saudi Arabia and won the soccer Asian cup. Those Iraqi soccer players are pretty skillful at running fast and dodging people, and have already received several offers from soccer teams in the US and also by the insurgency.

President Bush said that his administration is responsible for the unity and happiness that flowed across Iraq Sunday after the 1-0 victory over Saudi Arabia in the soccer Asian Football Cup Championship. Bush said that the US should take credit for this victory because we sent the referee: Tim Donaghy.

Nicole Richie
Nicole Richie is heading to jail after a conviction for driving under the influence. Richie claimed that she is forced to drink because she is so skinny that she needs to see double to see her reflection on the mirror.

David Beckham
David Beckham is not likely to make an appearance for Los Angeles Galaxy in Texas on Tuesday, as he battles to shrug off an ankle injury. Apparently he got injured after a rigorous and intensive photo shoot session…