August 8th 2007

Endeavor
The U.S. space shuttle Endeavor is scheduled to be launched on Wednesday evening. It’ll be a two-week trip and after that it’ll land directly at the door of the Promise rehab center.

The U.S. space shuttle Endeavor is scheduled to be launched on Wednesday evening. NASA officials want to avoid skepticism from the press so they won’t have the usual backwards count from ten; instead, the crew of the shuttle will recite the alphabet backwards before launching.

Flashlight
Homeland Security hired a company to develop a weapon consisting of a large flashlight capable of emitting "super-bright lights that make people vomit.” Apparently Nicole Richie already ordered a tanning bed made by the same company.

Homeland Security might use in the near future a large flashlight capable of emitting "super-bright lights that make people vomit to protect the border with Mexico.” Illegals have already developed a not so sophisticated counter-weapon called "sunglasses."

Presidential debate
During the Democratic presidential debate yesterday John Edwards said that people will never see him on the cover of Fortune magazine, a dig at Hillary Clinton, who recently was featured on the business publication's front cover. He also made another dig at Hillary when he said he’ll never be on the cover of “Jugs" either.

Richest man
Mexican telecom billionaire Carlos Slim has overtaken Microsoft founder Bill Gates as the world's wealthiest man.
He is so rich that instead of hiring the coyote, to cross the border he hires the roadrunner.
He is so rich he only employs American workers.
He is so rich he hired Bill Gates to mow his lawn.
He is so rich he doesn’t pick up fruit, he only picks up coins.
He is so rich he crosses the US-Mexico border to buy medicines here.

Celebrities
The nominees for the 24th annual MTV Video Music Awards were announced yesterday and Beyonce came up on top with seven nominations. Among the most important were: Female of the year, director of the year and most spectacular ass-breaking fall video of the year.

Yesterday, Britney dinged her Mercedes into a station wagon while attempting to pull into a parking spot. And you wonder why she’d rather have her little babies driving her.