August 29th 2007

Larry Craig
Senator Larry Craig said the reason why he swiped his hand under the stall divider, placing his palm facing toward the ceiling didn’t have any sexual connotation. He had just had a great body movement and felt like high-fiving somebody.

The undercover cop that arrested Senator Larry Craig in a public washroom at the Minneapolis airport said that the senator tapped his right foot, then tapped his toes several times which are all signals associated with illicit bathroom sex. In other news, Ryan Seacrest has started taking tap dancing lessons with Savion Glover.

During a press conference Senator Larry Craig explained his arrest and said he touched the undercover cop’s shoe under the stall because he has a wide stance and he’s not gay. The senator added that it is not his fault that the stilettos he was wearing were so high.

Larry Craig, a three-term senator from Idaho, met with the press yesterday and said, he is not gay and he has never been gay.... maybe a little bit BI-partisan...

In the police report of senator Larry Craig’s arrest, the undercover cop wrote that Mr. Craig peered at him through the stall for about two minutes. The senator claimed it is all a misunderstanding. He cannot see very well because all the Viagra he’s taking is driving him blind.

Iranian President
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Tuesday revealed he was a handy cook who prepares "delicious" food . Reporters thought the comments were cute until he mentioned he was a master with the oven.

Home prices
U.S. home prices fell 3.2 percent in the second quarter, the steepest rate of decline since Standard & Poor's began its nationwide housing index in 1987, the research group said Tuesday. The only house that is getting more and more expensive to get is the White House.

Nuclear Guard
A federal inspector found an armed guard asleep at a gate inside the Indian Point nuclear power plants . Apparently the guard was slobbering all over and when awaken he said: "Doh!!!"

Bush
President Bush visited Washington State Monday to raise money for Republican U.S. Rep. Dave Reichert. Prices ranged from $1000 to attend the event and hear president Bush’s speech and $10,000 dollars to hear the same speech but with translation.

Amnesia
NBC will air a new game show called "Amnesia." Contestants will have to guess how much Alberto Gonzales recalls about his performance as a US Attorney General after his resignation.