June 16th 2006

Debate in Congress
In a heated debate in congress, Republicans said that the "Cut and Run" strategy Democrats want to put into practice in Iraq will never work. Well, it worked for OJ though.........

A heated debate in congress had a rare outcome yesterday when both Republicans and Democrats agreed that things were not working as planned and demanded to bring our men back. Both parties concluded the US soccer team should leave Germany immediately because they suck.

You know what they call the US soccer team goalkeeper? The penguin, because he has no arms........

Zarqawi’s Huge treassure
Iraq's national security adviser said that a "huge treasure" of documents and computer records was found in al-Zarqawi's hideout. Apparently they found a thumb drive on al-Zarqawi’s pocket and they were sure it was a thumb drive because they don’t think al-Zarqawi was happy to see them.

The reading of al-Zarqawi’s will took place yesterday. His wife inherited two deep, huge pools.

Al Qaida named Abu Hamza Al Muhajer the successor to Abu Musab Al Zarqawi, saying he would continue the campaign of attacks against Shiites and US and Iraqi forces. Apparently Al Qaida obtained his resume from "monster.com"

Bush’s Mistake
During a Press conference, President Bush poked fun at a reporter for wearing sunglasses without realizing the reporter was legally blind. Later, Bush apologized to the reporter and said he thought that the only blind reporters were from Fox News.

To make up for the mistake Bush invited the blind reporter to spend the afternoon watching Buster Keaton movies.

Ben Roethlisberger
Super Bowl-winning quarterback Ben Roethlisberger said he was lucky to be alive after his accident this week and promised to always wear a helmet. His doctors agree because after hitting his head hard on the pavement Roethlisberger is forced to wear all the time one of those "Special” helmets.

CHER visited Washington to speak before the House Armed Services Subcommittee in support of OPERATION HELMET. Operation Helmet is a new organization that provides helmet upgrades to football players that ride motorcycles.