July 13 th 2006

Bush Visits Germany
Before heading to this weekend's G8 summit in Russia, President Bush will visit Germany to meet the German Chancellor. Apparently the most important thing in Bush's agenda is to apologize for the deplorable US Soccer team performance during the World Cup.

Before heading to this weekend's G8 summit in Russia, President Bush will visit what used to be Communist East Germany. Apparently the trip has economic purposes and Bush will try to get Halliburton a contract to re-build the wall.

Smokers' International Airways
A German businessman is opening a new airline that will allow passengers to smoke on the air. Apparently the suggestion came from the pilots that said that it is always nice to have a cigarette on the air after having a couple of drinks.

A German businessman is opening a new airline that will allow passengers to smoke on the air. The petition came from a lot of customers that missed having a cigarette after having sex in the bathrooms on the planes.

Lawyers are trying to figure out if the airline would be considered liable for second hand smoking when they crash into a house on the ground.

A German businessman is opening a new airline that will allow passengers to smoke on the air. The petition came from a lot of customers that were getting nervous thinking there could be snakes on the plane.

A German businessman is opening a new airline that will allow passengers to smoke on the air. Apparently he came up with the idea because he grew tired that some members of the Alaska Airlines crew were taking nicotine patches from the customers to cover some of the holes in the plane.

Halliburton
The Army is discontinuing a controversial multibillion-dollar deal with oil services giant Halliburton. The corporation said that it was time to move on and explore other lucrative business venues and suggested that they got an offer from Disney to shoot "Pirates of the Middle East"

US and Mexico
Elections in Mexico ended up in scandal after the leftist candidate claimed the elections were rigged and the USA was involved in the fraud because they have interests in the Mexican oil. He became suspicious of the US interest in the oil when the Bush administration offered help in the elections and sent barrels to be used as ballot boxes to cast the votes.

The Bush administration is working on ways to change the minds of those who see the Guest Worker program as the new slavery. Apparently their solution would be to make this Guest Worker program reciprocal, Mexico sends workers to take care of US farms and kitchens and the US sends giant oil companies to take care of Mexican oil.

Entertainment
Jackie Chan disrupted a concert by Taiwanese singer Jonathan Lee when he appeared inebriated on stage and traded insults with the crowd. According to reporters they think Jackie Chan was insulting the audience but nobody is sure because he was talking in his usual incomprehensible English.

Luciano Pavarotti is resting comfortably in bed while recovering from pancreatic cancer surgery. He is resting comfortably, the bed not so much.............

Paris Hilton claims she keeps her slim figure by eating mostly MC Donalds French fries. The company really needs the plug; after all they spend a whole chunk of money on plumbers to unclog the bathroom every time Paris purges the fries.