July 11th 2006

Russian President
Russian president Puttin said that the reason why he felt compelled to kiss the bare stomach of a young boy in a Kremlin courtyard didn't have any deviant connotation and that he just felt the urge to squeeze the kid like a kitten. Reporters immediately assumed that the Russian leader is into "Kitty Porn"

Playboy Einstein
Newly-released letter show that Albert Einstein had affairs with six women while he was married. Apparently nerds used to have time for women until the first episode of Star Trek was played on TV

Suri
Media reporters are wondering why they have not seen a picture of Tom Cruise's daughter even though she is already 3 months old. Apparently, Suri, Tom Cruise's daughter is embarrassed to be photographed with her father because she is already taller than him.

Tom Delay
Former Texas Congressman Tom DeLay suggested that he may not be ready for retirement just yet and he might be running again in the midterm elections. After hearing the news the briefcase industries' stocks jumped up more than 50% percent.

Teacher
A former Michigan middle school band teacher admitted Thursday that she had sexual contact with six male students. Apparently everybody got laid in the band but the drummer.

Jacko
A former associate of Michael Jackson claims that Jacko tried to hire him to adopt Brazilian boys for him. Apparently Michael was caught up by the World Cup fever and wanted his next kids to be future soccer players.