June 30th 2006

Bin Laden tape
An Islamist Web site posted new audio of Osama Bin Laden saying among other things that the U.S. should return al-Zarqawi's body to his family in Jordan. The U.S. military responded quickly saying that they are working on getting tons of boxes to be able to send all the parts.

A light bulb up his butt.
Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, had a light bulb removed out of his anus. Which makes you think? How many doctors does it take to remove a light bulb out of Mohammads anus?

Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, had a light bulb removed out of his anus. Some of the inmates suspected that, because lately Mohammad had been having crappy ideas.

Rush
Now that the world cup is almost ending, most of the 40,000 prostitutes that went to Germany to work during this event, will be returning home. In other news Rush Limbaugh has just bought a six pack of Viagra.

GITMO ruling
The Supreme Court has struck down military tribunals for detainees at Guantanamo Bay prison, saying they must have real trials in American courts with civilian lawyers. Apparently Dick Cheney is going to start his hunting season a little bit earlier

Immigration
Noami Campbell was once again accused of beating up one of her maids. The media also reported that after the incident, illegal immigration went down %20.

Jenna Bush Teaching in Latin America
Jenna Bush, one of President Bush’s daughters, has been quietly making plans over recent months to leave D.C. for a teaching job in Latin America, most likely around the end of summer. After hearing the news, the Mexican government launched plans to build a wall and send the Mexican army to protect the border.

Jenna Bush, one of President Bush’s daughters, has been quietly making plans over recent months to leave D.C. for a teaching job in Latin America, most likely around the end of summer. She’ll be teaching “Beer Bong 101” during spring break.