June 22nd 2006

Immigration Bill
According to Republican congressional leaders an immigration bill offering citizenship to undocumented workers is unlikely to pass this year. Mexicans are really concerned, very preocuppied, not so much about the bill, but rather about the fact that their national soccer team lost to Portugal in the World Cup.

Minimum Wage
Senate Republicans smothered a proposed election-year increase in the minimum wage Wednesday claiming that a minimum wage increase could create more unemployment. They are afraid companies might fire their asses out of congress.

Out of Coma
A five-year-old British girl awoke from a 10-day coma when James Blunt's song "You're Beautiful" came on the hospital radio. Apparently she got up to turn the radio off.

Village People
Victor Willis, the original "Police Officer" in the Village People, is going to rehab to fight his addiction with drugs. I can hear the concert of flushing toilets in the rehab center when they see someone dress as a cop showing up.

Rats
US scientists have for the first time used embryonic stem cell to help paralyzed rats walk. Dont we have enough rats in New York walking on the streets to make the paralyzed ones joined them now?
US scientists have for the first time used embryonic stem cell to help paralyzed rats walk. Whats next? Gay rats getting married?

North Korea
North Korea is preparing to test fire a long-range missile that could reach the United States. A source in the White House said that if the missile is launched, the United States would try to intercept it with "Star Wars", the new missile defense shield. Who are we kidding? We cannot stop a van crossing the border that goes at 30 MPH, packed with 30 undocumented workers, and we pretend we can stop a missile!

National Guard
The National Guard predicted it will miss its recruiting target for a second straight year. Authorities have come up with a strategy to raise the number of troops; they think recruiting people to patrol Bourbon street in New Orleans might help.

Fired
A new study from the Yale School of Medicine finds that, for middle-aged people, getting fired has a HUGE negative effect on your health. It is called starvation.