June 19th 2006

North Korea
North Korea is preparing to test fire a long-range missile that could reach the United States. A source in the White House said that if the missile is launched, the United States would try to intercept it with "Star Wars", the new missile defense shield. Honestly I don’t feel that secure, we cannot stop a van crossing the border that goes at 30 MPH, packed with 30 undocumented workers, and we pretend we can stop a missile?

Politics
Republicans in Congress believe House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi has had plastic surgery done on her face. They claim that that is the only way she can defend the Democrats' new domestic agenda with such a straight face.

Republicans in Congress claim that one of the records that Magician David Blane tried to achieve has been broken by someone in congress, because every time Congressman John Murtha is asked a question about the incident in Haditha he can talk for more than 10 minutes without breathing.

Gas Price
Gas company executives said that the solution to lower the price of gas is to reduce the demand. They claim that the United States has about 5 percent of the population and yet it uses about 25 percent of the world's consumption of oil. What he forgot to say is that we have 75 percent of the biggest asses in the world.

Gates
Bill Gates has announced he will end his day-to-day work at Microsoft in two years. Apparently the Microsoft founder wants to focus on a task that will probably take almost the rest of his life: cleaning his own house.

World Cup
In a dramatic game, the US soccer team tied with Italy and is on the verge of elimination from the World Cup. The good news for their goalkeeper is that he had such a great performance protecting the Net that Microsoft wants to hire him.

Heather Mills.
It’s estimated that over 40,000 prostitutes have gone to Germany for the World Cup. According to the British Tabloids Heather Mills is going to perform around the world in Munich.

The British tabloids insist that Sir Paul McCartney’s wife has a shady past and hooked for Wealthy Arabs. The Bush administration has contacted her and put her in charge of any future negotiations with the Middle East.

Starbucks
Consumer-health groups said they are planning to campaign against Starbucks because its products contain a lot of calories and contribute with the obesity of America. According to the study, not only Starbucks customers get fat, but also its owner selling them and collecting all the money.

Gary Glitter
NFL asked its teams to no longer play convicted pedophile Gary Glitter's "Rock And Roll Part II" at its games. The NBA authorities wanted to support that initiative but don’t seem to get it. During the NBA finals they all chanted along "Thriller."