January 25th 2007

Kerry
An emotional Senator John Kerry announced Wednesday that he will not join the campaign for president in 2008. The senator said that his decision will leave him with an ever bittersweet taste in his mouth, because now he will be forced to eat his wife’s ketchup for the rest of his life.

State of the Union
President Bush’s State of the Union Address with both houses run by Democrats was watched by 45.5 million people across the four major networks. Apparently people tuned in thinking they were watching the TV show "1 versus 100".

(corrected version of another joke)
Alcoholics Anonymous attempted a revolutionary method that made their members feel like they used to when they were drunks in college but in a very safe way. Apparently they encouraged their members to play the drinking game and have a shot every time President Bush mentioned "New Orleans" or "Katrina" during the State of the Union speech.

Grey Anatomy
Producers of the TV show "Grey’s Anatomy" are trying to shut rumors that star Isaiah Washington has a problem with gays. Apparently in an upcoming episode Dr. Preston Burke, played by Washington, will give all the members of "Queer eye for the straight guy" prostate exams.

"Grey's Anatomy" star Isaiah Washington has entered a treatment facility to address his use of an anti-gay slur at the recent Golden Globe Awards. Unfortunately he’ll have to share a room with Mark Foley and Ted Haggard.

Worst Sound
According to a website, people voted vomiting as the worst sound in the world. What caused the vomit got the second place as the worst sound: listening to Kevin Federlaine CD.

Speech
President Bush faced a tense crowd at his State of the Union address Tuesday. Now that congressmen cannot accept meals from lobbyists, everybody was anxiously waiting for the end of the speech to attack the buffet table.

Castro
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said Wednesday that his ailing friend Fidel Castro is recovering and has been up and walking - in fact "almost jogging" - in recent days. Actually Castro was running because he found out the doctors were going to examine his new artificial anus.