January 23rd 2007

TV show
Tonight tons of people will once again tune in to the show where Americans are mocked and ridiculed: "The State of the Union Address"

Alcoholics Anonymous is going to attempt a revolutionary method that will make their members feel like they used to when they were drunks in college but in a very safe way. Apparently they encouraged their members to play the drinking game and have a shot every time President Bush mentions Iraq during tonight’s State of the Union speech.

Candidates
More and more candidates are learning from the radio business and launching their presidential bids like radio stations switch format to play Xmas music before the Holidays, earlier and earlier every time.

Ted Haggard
In an HBO documentary, Rev. Ted Haggard, the former president of the National Association of Evangelicals, said that evangelical Christians have more sex with their wives than any other religious group. Apparently they have so much sex that once in a while they need a massage to recover.

Divorce
It was reported yesterday that Sir Paul McCartney will give Heather Mills a $62 million cash and property payoff to end their bitter divorce battle. Apparently last time a Beatle gave somebody so much money for doing nothing was when they hired Ringo Star.

Latest Tape
Al Qaeda released a new video challenging president Bush and mocking his plan in Iraq. Al Qaeda leaders said they were forced to release the video because Hillary Clinton was stealing all the spotlight with her web appearence.

In a video released Monday, al Qaeda's second in command ridicules and mocks harshly the latest President Bush's plan for Iraq. After watching the video, Fox Network offered al Qaeda deputy leader Ayman al-Zawahri a contract to become an American Idol Judge.

Low Ratings
According to a Washington Post-ABC News poll President Bush's approval ratings are now the lowest for any president the day before a State of the Union speech since Richard Nixon in 1974; what gives Rich Little the chance of using the same jokes he wrote 30 years ago at the White House Correspondents Dinner.