October 2nd 2007

Isiah Thomas
A jury decided Tuesday that New York Knicks coach Isiah Thomas sexually harassed a former top team executive. Isn’t it unfair that the coach of the Knicks is found guilty and the players that have been screwing the fans for several seasons walk free?

Labs
According to the Associated Press the number of accidents in US labs has increased dramatically. Apparently the increase is due to those stupid experiments with Coke bottles and mentoes.

According to the Associated Press the number of accidents in US labs has increased dramatically. When you let rednecks prepare meth you know you are in serious trouble.

Britney
Britney Spears has lost custody of her children. The judge ruled that ex-husband Kevin Federline will take custody of the kids until he fails his drug test scheduled for Thursday.

A judge told Britney Spears that she has lost her two children. Britney immediately asked the judge if they had checked the car outside the bar.

Meat
According to one agriculture official, the nation's meat supply is "the safest in the world." Apparently, we send the rotten, disgusting meat to Guantanamo.

According to one agriculture official, the nation's meat supply is "the safest in the world,” so much so, some of our finest senators would do anything to protect other people’s meat.

Mick Jagger
Speaking in Germany, Mick Jagger said he was afraid Amy Winehouse might die due to drug abuse. Keith Richard, on the other hand, said: "more drugs for me."