August 31st 2006

Ernesto
Some meteorologists warned that this Hurricane season is not over yet and the worst is to come. Apparently they saw Ernesto and lots of hurricanes crossing the border in a van.

According to meteorologists, Ernesto wasn’t as big of a threat as some people in Florida expected. Apparently Ernesto had papers and was legal.

Hurricane John threatens to devastate several tourist places of Mexico. Mexicans say they are not that concerned about it, after all the hurricane cannot do more damage that Americans students during spring break.

Bush
A British public broadcaster channel shot a controversial documentary about the fictional assassination of the president of the United States. It happens while Bush walks out of the White house and a sniper kills Dick Cheney.

A British public broadcaster channel shot a controversial documentary about the fictional assassination of president Bush. Apparently Bush goes hunting with Dick Cheney and the rest is history.

The Bush administration wants to completely reshape their image to improve their chances in the midterm elections. Karl Rove said that it has to be a drastic change so he called Kenny Rogers and Joan Rivers' plastic surgeons.

Shrinking
A promotional picture of Katie Couric was digitally doctored to make the news anchor look a lot thinner. The Bush administration immediately called the photographer to see if he can do the same with the fiscal deficit.

Thanks to digital airbrushing, incoming CBS anchor Katie Couric appears significantly thinner in a network promotional magazine photo. The picture has had some negative effects because they already lost one viewer: Bill Clinton

Thanks to digital airbrushing, Rosie O’Donnel appears significantly thinner in a publicity photo for the new version of "The View" . According to the photographer it was just an accident because he was actually trying to shrink Barbara Walter’s ego.

Baldness
British scientist reported that they might have discovered the cure for baldness. They claim that so far the only side effect known is lots of sweating, which is not clear if it comes with the treatment or all the sex we are going to have when are hair grows back.

In other news.....
Last Tuesday, Fox News had Don King and Richard Simmons as post Katrina experts. Neil Cavutto said that the two guests commented on Katrina not as experts but as citizens of this country, and they were invited as experts on national security for their knowledge on hair gel and make up.

Ticketmaster said about 1,000 tickets for dates on Barbra Streisand's national tour aren't valid because they were bought with stolen credit cards. Apparently all the tickets were bought by Republicans that don’t dare say they like Barbra Streisand.