August 24th 2006

Immigration
Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said that the U.S. "catch-and-release" immigration policy has officially ended. From now onwards illegal immigrants in the U.S. will not be released; they will be held until they can be deported to their home countries. What Homeland Security hasn’t figured out yet is the "Catching" part.

According to a recent survey almost 95% of the population in West Virginia is white. The survey also discovered that white Virginia baseball sucks.

Swift Boat
According to reporters, the Bush administration has called the swift Boats veterans again, not to attack any Democratic candidate but to ask them to report for duty in Iraq.

John Karr
John Mark Karr's relatives became his agents and will represent him in media deals to obtain money to pay for his trial. Apparently they already got an offer for John Mark Karr. Considering he is white, skinny and a pervert, he could star in the Michael Jackson’s biography.

Porn in Hotels
A coalition of 13 conservative groups is asking federal authorities to investigate if porn in hotel rooms could be considered a crime. It is not confirmed yet if by crime they are referring to the obscene material or the $12 dollars they charge per movie.

A coalition of 13 conservative groups is targeting hotel-room pornography. They claim it is not family-friendly to stay in a hotel where porn is available, and they are also tired of finding sticky curtains.

Scare Tactics
This upcoming September seems to be very prolific musically; Paris Hilton, Janet Jackson, Clay Aiken and Justin Timberlake among others are releasing new albums. The Democratic Party complained to the media and said that this is just another of the usual Republican scare tactics before the elections.

Survivor
In the upcoming season of the TV show "Survivor", contestants will be divided into four tribes by ethnicity. Host Jeff Probst said the idea is not racist and will reflect society, the White tribe will hire the Latino tribe to build their shelter cheaply, the Asian Tribe to do their laundry and the Black Tribe to sell them drugs.

Politicians are enraged by the possibility that the TV show survivor would divide the contestants into Whites, Blacks, Latinos and Asians. Republican congressional candidate Tramm Hudson said that this idea is disgraceful and totally unfair because we all know Black people cannot swim.

In the upcoming season of the TV show "Survivor", contestants will be divided into four tribes by ethnicity: I just hope this is not like prison where we have the Blacks, the Latinos, the Asians and the Whites... supremacists

Producers of the TV show survivor claim that their idea of dividing the contestants into tribes according to their ethnicity is not racist. They suggested that if this show does well in the ratings they will start the recruiting for next season. They will get Latinos from a Baseball team, Asians from a math club, Blacks from an NBA team, and Whites from the Republican party.