August 18th 2006

Bush
In a private meeting with members of Parliament, the British deputy prime minister said that Bush is crap. Tony Snow said Bush was not offended about the comment because the word crap derives from the term "macaca" which is a variation of the word Mohawk, or a very likable nick name among friends.

Mel Gibson
Actor Mel Gibson pleaded no contest to a charge of drunken driving and will have to serve three years' probation, pay a fine and attend alcohol rehabilitation classes. The actor wanted to fight the charges but he couldn’t find any good Jewish lawyer that wanted to represent him.

Mel Gibson pleaded no contest and will have to serve 3 years probation and pay a fine. Reporters are not sure if it was for the drunken driving charges or the kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers.

Hezbollah
Hezbollah's offering cash to help the Lebanese people rebuild after the war with Israel. The Mayor of New Orleans immediately gathered his people and suggested to change the name of the city to "New Lebanon."

Hezbollah is giving cash to help the Lebanese people rebuild after the war with Israel. Unfortunately people are using the money for unnecessary trips, “Girls Gone Wild” videos and a sex change operation to become a man.

Snakes on a plane
Long lines gathered at movie theaters for the release of "Snakes on a Plane", not because it was such a great movie but because it was everybody’s chance to be close to a plane without getting a cavity search.

Long lines of frustrated people were seen outside movie theaters that showed "Snakes on a Plane." Apparently security was confiscating any kind of liquids that were not bought in the concession stands inside the movie theater.

In other news.......
According to a survey, 46 percent of teens said they had been to parties where drinking and the use of marijuana, cocaine, ``ecstasy,'' and prescription medications, had occurred in the presence of parents. Apparently the survey was conducted among Lindsay Lohan’s friends.