September 24th 2006

Bin Laden
According to a French newspaper Osama bin Laden died in Pakistan last month. Ironically Osama went to hell and was welcomed by Bush.

A leaked French intelligence document raises the possibility that Osama bin Laden died of typhoid last month in Pakistan. Rumors are Osama is kept in a big refrigerator and would be killed again closer to the midterm elections.

Midterm elections
Several newspapers reported that GOP candidates don’t want to be seen with Bush because it would hurt their chances for the upcoming elections. Apparently most of them have decided to hold their fundraisers and appearances in libraries to avoid Bush’s visit.

President Bush
During a press conference Bush said that in order to send 100,000 troops to Pakistan to capture bin Laden we need an invitation because Pakistan is a sovereign country....... I don’t remember Iraq sending us an e-vite.

Nielsen Media Research
According to Nielsen Media Research half of American homes have three or more TVs . The problem is that with the arrival of Plasma Television, I need to stick three flat screens together to be able to put my VCR, the porcelain cat and the vase with flowers on top of it.

Halloween
According to a study by the National Retail Federation, Americans are going to spend 5 billion dollars on Halloween in candies and costumes to scare people. That amount pales compared to the hundred of billions the Bush administration has spent to spook people.

O’Reilly
In an interview with Barbara Walters, Fox News host Bill O’ Reilly claimed to be on the Al-Qaeda death list. Apparently this seems to be a new terrorist’s strategy: winning over the hearts of most Americans.