September 17th 2006

Spinach
An E. coli outbreak linked to bagged spinach has reached 19 states. Government investigators believe malicious people might have tainted the bags; the main suspect so far "Brutus"

E-Coli bacteria has killed 1 person and made 12 ill forcing the FDA to warn consumers not to eat fresh bagged spinach, because they're afraid it could spread the bacteria. Health Officials noticed an outbreak of diarrhea in a lot of people, but didn’t react immediately because they thought it was just Republicans afraid of the upcoming elections.

Interrogation
During a Rose Garden news conference, president Bush defended using coercive interrogation methods to obtain straight answers from suspected terrorists. This is the first time that most of the White house press agreed with the president because they felt like torturing Bush to finally get a straight answer from him.

Pope
Pope Benedict XVI has ignited a firestorm of protest from Muslims around the world in reaction to his remarks linking Islam with violence. The pope apologized and declined an offer from Fox News to host his own show.

Pope Benedict XVI made some remarks that ignited a firestorm of protest from Muslims around the world. Apparently the pope made those comments while being pulled over by the cops for driving the popemobile under the influence.

Gas Prices
According to a survey more and more people seem to be happier in the US because gas prices are dropping; not because they will get to save a lot of money but because they won’t need to carpool with their mothers in law anymore.

The price of oil has dropped dramatically and the oil exporters in Middle East are not making as much money as they used to. Apparently some of the wealthy Arab families has now been forced to camel-pool.

Movie
Sen. Hillary Clinton blasted the producers of a new film depicting the assassination of Pres. George W. Bush. The senator said that "If you are gonna kill a president, please kill my husband "