January 28th 2007

Super Bowl
The Super Bowl will charge two-and-a-half million dollars per thirty-second commercials, it was reported Monday. Last time someone paid so much for thirty seconds was Paul McCartney after the divorce with Heather Mills.

Hillary
During a recent visit to Iowa, Senator Hillary Clinton had an open-mic snafu that broadcast her singing along to the National Anthem. According to American Idol standards she might go the White House but never to Hollywood.

Anne Heche
Anne Heche and her husband are separating after five years of marriage. Apparently her husband was tired of the fact that she would never put down the toilet lid, she’d never take the garbage out, and she would sometimes come home late with rouge on the shirt collar.

Insurgency
According to ABC news, Iraqi insurgents are planning to infiltrate the U.S. with terrorists disguised as college students and launch attacks. The FBI says it would be easy to spot the suspects… they are the only ones that can afford college.

Tijuana
Officers in Tijuana were armed with slingshots, along with bags of ballbearings to patrol areas of the city visited by tourists. Apparently this would immediately stop the drug trafficking on birds.

Bush a Uniter
Bush’s critics were forced to hand it to the president and admit that he made a prophetic statement when he said "I’m a Uniter not a Divider". He got the impossible; he united Democrats and Republicans against his administration.