January 30th 2007

Global Warming
A new study reports 13 percent of Americans have never heard of global warming. Apparently it was very difficult for them to hear over the huge noise of the engines of the SUV’s and the hair spray.

Democrats
According to a latest survey, 60% of American voters believe that Democrats are likely to nominate a White Male for President in 2008. That gives 75 % chances to Obama because he is a man and only half black, and also gives 75 % chances to Hillary because she is white and wears her pants like a man.

Hillary
Hillary Clinton got a big laugh in Iowa Sunday when she pulled a joke about her experience dealing with evil men. Judging by the response from the audience, it seems she is going to be the headliner of open mic Friday, and Kerry will just be her opening act.

Super Bowl Ad
After the buzz created around the Super bowl ad in which Kevin Federline fantasizes he is a superstar rapper and awakens to the reality that he is just a burger flipper, the company decided to repeat the formula. Apparently they are going to shoot another ad in which John Kerry dreams of being the U.S. president and awakens to the reality that he has to eat his wife’s ketchup for the rest of his life.

Long Lasting
A new topical spray treatment for men who suffer from premature ejaculation is said to delay climax by an average of 40 seconds. That’s 39 more seconds of hearing my wife’s complaints.

Cancelled
The TV show "Armed and Famous" was cancelled. Producers of the show realized the huge mistake they made by arming these people, especially when they had to tell them the show was cancelled.

Apprentice
According to Homeland security, the number of illegal immigrants that crossed the Mexican border last year has diminished considerable. Apparently Latinos are discouraged to come to the US because the saw the harsh conditions that the contestants of the apprentice undergo living in a tent.

Bush
Once again President Bush seems to be out of touch with reality. When he was told "Air America" radio was rescued, he immediately took credit and said my plan against pollution seems to be working.