April 11th 2007

Giuliani
During an interview Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani proved he hasn't done a lot of grocery shopping lately when he said the gallon of milk cost $1.50 when in fact it costs around $4. Reporters were shocked Giuliani did not know the price of milk, especially because he’s been milking the cow of 9/11 for a long time.

Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart Living officially re-launched its website this week. Even the naked women in the pop up ads are groomed to match the background of the website.

McCain
During a round of TV interviews, Senator John McCain repeated that the Baghdad market is safe. At least they do not sell tainted spinach or contaminated peanut butter.

Anna Nicole
DNA tests show there is 0.000000001 chances that Larry Birkhead is NOT the father of the late Anna Nicole Smith's baby, enough possibilities for the TV networks to continue hammering the Anna Nicole case 24/7.

In front of the courthouse, Larry Birkhead made the announcement that DNA tests showed that he is the father of the late Anna Nicole Smith's baby. He then teared up as he thanked his supporters, his family and his sperm for being stronger than the others.

Larry Birkhead was really excited when it was reported that he was the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. Howard K Stern asked him to calm down and offered him some sedatives and prescription drugs that are going to help him feel better.

DNA tests show Larry Birkhead is the father of the late Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a baby who could inherit hundreds of millions of dollars. K- Federlaine now claims he is her future boyfriend.

Iran
Iran is putting out a book and CD about the arrest and detention of 15 British sailors. I am sure there’s going to be a British pirated version of it as well.

Bare Justice
According to the New York Daily News, a Brooklyn law student has put her future legal career in jeopardy by participating in a Playboy TV series in which she happily strips naked. Apparently she thought there was nothing wrong with that because justice is blind.

Iraq
President Bush says he is willing to meet with Congressional Democrats to discuss the war in Iraq, but not to negotiate his handling of it, unless, of course, they offer more money than Halliburton.

Immigration
President Bush was in Yuma Monday touting his guest-worker idea, which sends illegal aliens home if they want to apply for citizenship. Unfortunately for the Bush administration most of the illegals agree to leave only if they do it in JetBlue.