April 4th 2007

Mexico
A small honey bear that escaped from a Mexico City zoo boarded a bus and attacked a passenger. Apparently the honey bear was just pissed because the passenger didn’t get up to offer the seat to the pregnant elephant.

Mexico City's new mayor hopes to offer high-speed wireless Internet to all of the city's residents. Some Mexicans believe it is really a bad idea because now it might take years for Mexicans to cross the border if they start following the directions given by Map quest.

Barack
Democrat Barack Obama raked in $25 million for his presidential bid in the first three months of 2007 mostly from the money he saved on cigarettes when he quit smoking.

Lawyers
Most of the Attorneys fired by Alberto Gonzales have not complained or shown signs of discontent to the media about what happened. They’d rather be fired by Gonzales than shot by Cheney.

Condor
A California Condor has laid an egg in Mexico. It is now known as "huevo ranchero."

Romney
Mormon presidential candidate Mitt Romney stunned the GOP field Monday by showing that he raised twenty-five million dollars in the first quarter. Immediately after that, all the other Republican candidates put on a black suit, grabbed the bible and went door to door to ask for money.

Barry Bonds
Tuesday was a big stormy day for the opening game of the San Francisco Giants in San Francisco. Actually it looked stormy because of the giant cloud of doubt over Barry Bonds’ enormous head.

CNN
A woman was shot and killed just outside CNN's Atlanta headquarters. CNN employees did not suspect anything violent happened when they saw the ambulance at the door, they thought it was just for old Larry King.

Keith Richards
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards said in an interview that he snorted his father's ashes during a drugs binge. No wonder everybody is so old in the Rolling Stones, nobody dares die.