March 25th 2007

Crying Girl
Reporters believed a crying little girl planted by the producers of American Idol helped Sanjaya, one of the worst contestants of the show, to remain in the competition. Expect the same crying girl at every Alberto Gonzales’ future press conference.

The list of Republicans that want Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to resign keeps growing. It is like the show "Dancing with the Stars" but instead of a leg, they all want a head flying off.

McCain
Sen. John McCain said his presidential campaign would not meet its fundraising goals this quarter, and admitted that Mitt Romney may wind up raising more. McCain said he is going to use some of Rommey’s successful techniques; he then put on a black suit, grab the bible and went door to door to ask for money.

Pet Food
At least eight pets have died in New York City - and hundreds more have been treated - in the wake of the massive poisoned pet-food scare. The FBI thinks this is the rebirth of the West Side-East Side war and sees Snoop Doggy Dog as the main suspect.

Pet owners were rechecking their cabinets and threatening legal action after state officials said rat poison was found in pet food blamed for the deaths of at least 16 cats and dogs. According to the Bush Administration it is a clear TerrierIST attack.

Rat poison was found in pet food blamed for the deaths of at least 16 cats and dogs. In a written statement, Snoop Doggy Dog’s agent assured the rapper’s fan he is fine.