March 15th 2007

Anthrax
The white powder in an envelope discovered Wednesday at the national headquarters of Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards did not contain anthrax. According to Fox News it was just Edwards’ powder base makeup.

Stocks
Stocks plunged Tuesday, driving the Dow Jones industrials down more than 240 points in their second-biggest drop of the year. Economists believe the Bush Administration won’t let a third big fall happen, they’ll have Scooter Libby taking it instead.

Hurricane
The National Weather Service confirmed that a hurricane hit several parts of the country. Apparently Hurricane Gonzales has so far taken the lives of 8 attorneys.

Sleeping Pills
All prescription sleeping pills may sometimes cause sleep-driving, federal health officials warned Wednesday. Apparently those who take sleeping pills might not remember waking up in the middle of the night and go for a drive…. and visit a strip bar to receive a lap dance from Lulu, sorry, I added the last part.

World’s Population
The world's population is poised to reach 9.2 billion in 2050, with growth mainly in the developing nations. The growth population in the U.S was expected to decline but will remain steady thanks to Angelina Jolie

Pizza
A New York restaurant has started offering a 1,000-dollar pizza. The Bellissima Luxury Pizza is piled with lashings of caviar, fresh lobster, wasabi and apparently tons of weird tasting oregano.

Chiquita
Chiquita Brands International agreed to pay a $25 million fine after they admitted to doing business with a Terrorist Organization. Apparently we finally found out what Sadaam Hussein was hiding inside those undergarments.

Discounts
A brothel is cashing in by offering senior citizens 50% off discounts every afternoon. Apparently the bordello makes most of its profit by selling senior citizens memory pills so they can remember they good time they just had.

Humor Well
A new study finds the worse a person's sense of humor is, the shorter his life may be. Shoot, I’d better have a good punchline or I’ll die soon.

Smoking
A new study says that quick walks may help smokers quit. Well running definitely helped Obama.

Pi
Yesterday, fans of the number pi (3.14) gathered at MIT to celebrate their obsession with March 14th, which they call Pi Day. It’s not like they had to cancel a date or something.