March 4th 2007

FEMA
President Bush visited residents of Alabama and Georgia who survived killer tornadoes that ripped through those cities. The president promised immediate help and said that this time FEMA has hired Jetblue for a quicker response.

Late
During a press conference Peruvian president Alan García launched a campaign to combat the chronic lateness that pervades its society. Unfortunately none of the journalists invited arrived in time.

Heather Mills
Heather Mills said she is not scared her prosthetic leg would fall off during the dancing competition because she’ll be sure to screw it tight... and if there’s someone that knows how to screw that’d be Heather Mills.

Energy
Another vice president has been accused of over expending energy. Apparently after Republicans lost both houses Dick Cheney has been running a huge bill in batteries for his bypass.

NASCAR
This weekend NASCAR staged its third race in Mexico City. The race was really emotional for some of the drivers, Juan Pablo Montoya put 1.2 second on the clock to hit the bathroom after a glass of tab water.

This weekend NASCAR staged its third race in Mexico City. It became dangerous though, as it was impossible for security to stop spectators from jumping the fence that separate the stands and the track.

Lawyers
Seven U.S. Attorneys fired by The White House believed that the decision was politically motivated and are pressing for an explanation. The Bush administration was shocked about the lawyers’ reaction and said that next time they will let Cheney take care of them so they would end up apologizing.