March 20th 2007

Iraq
President Bush on Monday pleaded for more patience in the Iraq war. He said they finally developed an exit strategy for the Iraq war: the 2008 elections.

The fourth anniversary of the war in Iraq brought thousands of anti-war marchers into the streets of the major cities in the country for largely peaceful protests over the weekend. Or as Dick Cheney calls it: March Madness.

Dancing with the stars
Heather Mills made her debut on "Dancing with the Stars" last night. Never a fall was wished so much since the Berlin wall.

Heather Mills made her debut on "Dancing with the Stars" last night. I do not think it was a coincidence the judges’ scores were 6-6-6.

Airbus
The world's largest passenger plane, the Airbus A380, made its debut in the United States on Monday. Apparently they needed a big plane to pick all the attorneys fired by the Bush administration.

The world's largest passenger plane, the Airbus A380, made its debut in the United States on Monday. The plane can accommodate 555 passengers or just 100 fat Americans.

Stamps
On May 14th, stamps will go up to 41 cents, up from 39 cents now. Apparently now terrorists will be forced to deliver the anthrax themselves.

Replacement
The White House has begun seeking a possible successor to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Apparently they are planning to drive by Home Depot to get another Latino to keep the quota.

Distraction
A new study from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro shows that the average person only pays attention about 70% of the time. Bla bla bla... bla bla... I got 30% chances you already got distracted by the time you read the punch line so.......

Painting
A U.S. collector who bought an Andy Warhol portrait of Marilyn Monroe in 1962 for $250 is offering the painting for sale in May and can expect to fetch over $15 million, auctioneers Christie's said on Monday. He got tons of offers mostly from people who thought it was the latest Anna Nicole Smith’s picture.

Afghanistan
According to Armed Forces Minister Adam Ingram, Afghanistan bombings more than tripled last year. The only known case of such a fast increase in bombing is NBC programming.