April 16th 2007

Imus
Don Ho, the legendary Hawaiian crooner died of heart failure Saturday morning. Unfortunately not so many people heard the sad news because nobody in the media dared say his last name anymore.

There have reportedly been a few death threats made against the Rutgers women's basketball team in the wake of the Don Imus’ firing. The e-mails came probably from the Tennessee women’s basketball team that won the NCAA tournament and are being totally ignored.

Taxes
According to the New York Post, this year illegal immigrants filed taxes in what appeared to be record numbers. Once again illegals do the work Americans don’t want to do.

Bond
Barry Nelson, who was the first actor to play James Bond on-screen in 1950, died. Nobody knew much about him because Robert Novak was not a journalist yet to unmask him.

Madam
Washington D.C. madam Debbie Palfrey named Harlan Ullman, a military theorist of the war in Iraq, as one of her sex customers Friday. He is insatiable, why pay when you have just screwed the entire country for free?

Washington D.C. madam Debbie Palfrey named Harlan Ullman, a military theorist of the war in Iraq, as one of her sex customers Friday. Ulman refused to comment about it and said he was just in “shock and awe” by the news.

Cheney
Vice president Dick Cheney got a scare before landing in the O'Hare International Airport when a bird hit the right engine of the Air Force Two he was flying in. The pilot said that they are used to that because everybody flips them the bird when they fly Dick Cheney.

Tiny
In Spain, a 36-year-old a man was cleared of three rapes after he proved his member was so tiny, he could not be guilty. His legal team used the old Johnnie Cochran’s defense strategy: If the condom doesn’t fit, you must acquit.

Nibbles
There’s a seal in California that’s terrorizing people, killing other seals and attacking dogs. It is known in town as Nibbles the SEAL-ial (for serial) killer.

Rich Mexican
Mexican telecom titan Carlos Slim Helu is now the second richest man in the world, passing Warren Buffett. He still doesn’t have enough though to be able to afford the amount of money Bush wants Latinos to pay if he wants to become a legal resident of the US.