April 17th 2007

Heather Mills
Last night Heather Mills fell during her performance in “Dancing With The Stars.” Some people claim they saw Paul leaving the studio with a mop and a huge bottle of hardwood floor polish.

Last night Heather Mills fell during her performance of the Samba in “Dancing With The Stars” making rich some fortunate bastard in Vegas.

Imus
This just in: Imus opened a hair salon in the Bronx!

Survey
According to a study by the Pew Research Center 49 percent of the surveyed correctly answered that Nancy Pelosi was speaker of the House. 25 percent thought that the woman in the picture was Keney Rogers and the other 25 percent thought it was Joan Rivers.

According to a study by the Pew Research Center only 69 percent knew Dick Cheney was the vice president. Apparently people are afraid to say they know Cheney because they don’t want to be called as witnesses next time he shoots somebody.

McCain

Senator John McCain of Arizona, whose Republican primary campaign spent the highest percentage of income during the quarter, paid nearly $11,000 for photography. It actually was $200 and the rest it was money for the security when the photographer took pictures of the Baghdad Market.

McCain also paid $1,671 for flowers. Apparently it was for the family of his staff that died during his visit to safe Iraq.

Donation
Hugh Hefner contributed $2,300 , the maximum allowed in the primary, to Hillary Clinton’s campaign on March 28. It is just a way to pay back for all the money Bill has spent troughout the years buying his magazine.

Women
According to the Center for Behavioral Neuroscience in Atlanta when women see pornography, the first thing they look at is the men’s privates. Apparently women want to know how expensive his car is.

Pyramid
Lou Pearlman, the millionaire pop music mogul who virtually invented boy bands is now at large after stealing millions from seniors with a classic pyramid scheme. How would you invest in a pyramid that was going to have on top a huge fat guy like Lou Pearlman?