April 19th 2007

Sanjaya
Sanjaya Malakar was finally booted from American idol. Apparently millions of Indian telemarketers did not vote for him because they were too busy setting effigies of Richard Gere on fire.

Sanjaya Malakar, the "American Idol" contestant best known for his numerous hairdos, was booted from the hit show on Wednesday. Good hair can only get you that far, right Mr.John Edwards?

Sanjaya Malakar was finally booted from American idol. Next one to go: Alberto Gonzales.

Laura Bush
First Lady Laura Bush is visiting New Orleans Thursday for a meeting with volunteers from Helping Americans Needing Disaster Support. Apparently she wanted to escape from all the disastrous flooding that is leaving hundreds homeless across Northeastern America.

Rolling Stones
Officials are planning to sedate more than 300 horses stabled at Belgrade's racecourse to keep them calm during a Rolling Stones concert. They say it will be hard though, not because of the Animal lovers’ complaints but rather because it will be difficult to find a place that has not run out of syringes with the visit of Keith Richards.

Shell
Shell Oil is going to start selling "Playboy" and "Penthouse" in their convenience stores again...... Like we don’t have enough raise at the pump already.

Donkey
Faced with complaints that his donkey was too loud, Dallas attorney Gregory Shamoun decided to bring his case directly to the court and had his donkey testify. It was a long and tedious case because it took a while for the judge to realize who the ass was.

Dallas attorney Gregory Shamoun received several complaints because his donkey was too loud and defecated constantly. During the trial he alleged that you got to understand the donkey, once they win an election they cannot shut up.

Dallas attorney Gregory Shamoun received several complaints because his donkey was too loud and defecated constantly. The donkey was immediately contacted to replace another ass that was just fired in a radio station in New York.

Tooth Fairy
According to Securian Dental's annual "tooth fairy" poll, parents are giving their kids an average of 29 cents less for teeth this year than they were last year. Bush was infuriated and accused the tooth fairy for under funding the troops.

According to Securian Dental's annual "tooth fairy" poll, parents are giving their kids an average of 29 cents less for teeth this year than they were last year. Parents are telling their kids that the problem is that the tooth fairy has a smaller budget because of the price of gas.

Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers is being replaced by Lisa Rinna as TV Guide Channel's leading red-carpet host. Apparently TV Guide executives wanted a new face... in another person.