May 10th 2007

OJ
OJ was thrown out of an upscale steak house in Louisville. According to OJ’s lawyer the tossing was racially motivated. Apparently the same restaurant served Phil Spector last week.

The owner of an upscale steakhouse in Louisville asked O.J. Simpson to leave his restaurant the night before the Kentucky Derby. Apparently the owner claimed that he wanted to help OJ because with so many sharp knives at hand and so many blondes in the joint it was like having a kid in a candy store for OJ: too tempting.

Gas
A service station that offered discounted gas to senior citizens and people supporting youth sports has been ordered by the state to raise its prices. City officials claimed that they were afraid a place with cheap gas would have made Dick Cheney try to liberate it.

McDonald's
McDonald's says its sales climbed 4.8% in April. Executives said that the climb was only 4.8 % because they lost the rat market to KFC and Taco Bell.

McDonald's says its sales climbed 4.8% in April thanks to David Hasselhoff’s regular visits.

Botox
According to Dermatologists, people who have used Botox have also experienced a reduction in perspiration. This could be a misleading study because those people in Hollywood that used Botox have never move a finger anyway.

Cheney
According to some political Websites Dick Cheney was one of the frequent visitors of the infamous DC madam, but ABC was forced to keep his name out of the media. Why would the vice president pay to screw somebody if he’s been screwing the entire country for free for the last 6 years?

The Associated Press reported that the U.S. Embassy in Iraq issued a strict new order telling all employees to wear flak vests and helmets. Apparently, the order didn’t come because an increase in mortar attacks on the Green Zone, but rather because they knew Cheney was going to visit Baghdad.

Yahoo
Yahoo Inc. has told users it will shut down its North American Web auction site because it generated almost no revenues. Apparently their going to auction it on e-Bay.