May 9th 2007

Foiled Attack
The six men charged with planning an attack to kill several hundred U.S. soldiers at Fort Dix, N.J., thought they would have easy access to the base by pretending to deliver pizzas. We’re screwed, they already know our weaknesses.

One of the suspects charged with planning an attack to kill several hundred U.S. soldiers at Fort Dix was a pizza deliveryman who used his job to scout out the military base. Apparently soldiers became suspicious because the pizza was delivered in time and always hot.

Paris
According to a recent poll 95 percent of the surveyed people want Paris Hilton to go to jail. The other 5 percent are the inmates in Paris’ future penitentiary who are afraid of catching various diseases from her.

Hillary
The Hillary Clinton campaign was quick to dismiss comparisons between their candidate and the classy and beautiful female socialist counterpart that lost the presidential elections in France. Actually it was Bill that with a sad face said that they don’t look similar at all.

Mickey
A Hamas TV station is using a ripoff of Mickey Mouse to sell hatred of Israel to kids. They already stoned Minnie for wearing a shot skirt.

Knut
Knut, the most celebrated polar bear on the planet who captivated the world and was featured in several web videos, is losing its cuteness. According to a Berlin Zoo vet, now that it's growing up, its nose got longer and it gained weight. Experts advised Knut to shave its head and go to rehab to see if that can keep it in the spot light.

TV
Statistics show that more than 2.5 million fewer people were watching ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox than at the same time last year. Apparently those 2.5 million are not watching TV because they are working for reality TV shows.