April 30th 2007

Immigration
According to Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, Satan made millions of illegal immigrants cross the border. Apparently the devil offered illegals the Garden of Eden, to mow its lawn.

According to Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, Satan is to blame for the crossing of million of illegal immigrants into the United States. I have heard people calling Wal-Mart different ways, but this one is quite original.

John Edwards
Democratic presidential contender John Edwards said Sunday he would consider raising taxes on the wealthy, starting with his barber.

Iran
Iranian police have warned barbers against offering plucking the eyebrows of their male customers who lately are trying to look like the stars of American TV. From now onwards Iranian officials allowed barbers to copy only one American look: Andy Rooney’s.

Nicolas Cage
Nicholas Cage's new movie "Next", about a man who can see two minutes into the future tanked at the box office. Apparently most of the people had the power to see 2 minutes into the future and realized the movie was going to suck.

Debates
MSNBC was quite happy with the ratings they pulled with the broadcast of the Democratic presidential debate. They expect to do much better though with the GOP debate this Tuesday, not because people are more interested, but because if only the wives of the candidates see it, that’s guaranteed to be huge ratings.