April 26th 2007

Sanjaya
According to The National Enquirer Sanjaya Malakar’s mother was arrested in 2005 for growing marihuana. Producers of American idol now understand why most of the votes for Sanjaya were beeped.

Rosie
ABC executives made it clear that money was not an issue in Rosie O’Donnel’s departure from The View. They claim they could always recover the investment by installing their own vending machine inside Rosie O’ Donnel’s make-up room.

Bush
President Bush said that the latest surge seems to be working in Iraq and asked for another 4 months to show he is right. The president said that this is the last time he is going to ask Democrats for more time and to have records of this promise he e-mailed himself and told Alberto Gonzales to remind him of it.

During a ceremony to mark Malaria Awareness Day in the White house Rose Garden, President Bush danced and played percussion with the Kankouran West African dance troupe. The president proved he’s got less rhythm than Dick Cheney’s heartbeat.

President Bush said what motivated him to beat the drums so passionately when invited by one of the members of the Kankouran West African dance troupe in the Rose garden was thinking of Nancy Pelosi.

Debate
Eight candidates for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination face off today in their first debate this evening in South Carolina. It got nasty when it came to decide the order of the candidates, not to see who gets the questions first, but rather to see who has to be behind John Edwards in the line of the make up room.

Girls Gone Wild
Joe Francis, the millionaire founder of the Girls Gone Wild video empire continues racking up legal charges against him. He’s been sued for allegedly groping an 18-year-old woman, for tax evasion and also for keeping thousand of young boys awake late night waiting for the Girls Gone Wild Commercials.

Human Footprints
According to a documentary called "Human Footprints," people cry 15 gallons worth of tears throughout their lives, unless of course you are the little crying girl in American Idol; then the 15 gallons are for one day.

According to a documentary called "Human Footprints," people produce 39 gallons of vomit, unless of course you are Nicole Ritchie or Calista Flockhart; then the 39 gallons of vomit means two visits to an all you can eat buffet.