May 2nd 2007

GOP Debate
The Republican Party will hold its first presidential candidates debate at the Ronald Reagan Library, Thursday. Candidates carefully selected the venue, big enough to accommodate their hundreds of wives and the fact that the place is a library guarantees Bush’s absence.

Oil
Venezuela stripped the world's biggest oil companies of operational control over its massive Orinoco Belt crude projects. President Hugo Chavez called the White House and asked Bush if he could borrow the Mission Accomplished banner.

Venezuela stripped the world's biggest oil companies of operational control over its massive Orinoco Belt crude projects, to what Dick Cheney said “Oh, that’s how you do it!!!"

Immigration
Nationwide immigration rallies Tuesday produced only a fraction of the more than a million protesters who turned out last year. Organizers confessed that a great number of Latinos didn’t participate because they were afraid to be mistaken for Alberto Gonzales.

Nationwide immigration rallies Tuesday produced only a fraction of the more than a million protesters who turned out last year. Organizers confessed that a great number of Latinos didn’t participate because they were afraid they could get recruited by the Yankees.

Immigration rallies were held throughout the entire country yesterday. Tons of Americans marched alongside the Latinos. I saw Randall Tobias looking for Central American girls for some foreign assistance.

Nationwide immigration rallies Tuesday produced only a fraction of the more than a million protesters who turned out last year. Organizers confessed that the march didn’t do that well because a great number of Latinos are becoming more and more Americanized.

NASCAR
Talladega Super speedway has permanently banned 14 fans from buying tickets at the speedway for throwing objects on the track after Jeff Gordon's victory in the Aaron's 499. Organizers were mad because the fans missed Gordon.

Bush
A top US congressional Democrat has raised the possibility of George W. Bush's impeachment. The president denied being worried and said that he is not a little bit concerned about it because there’s no I in Mpeachment. (Sorry, I was advised no to write this stupid joke)

Gore
Visitors to the Gaia Napa Valley Hotel and Spa will find a copy of ``An Inconvenient Truth,'' former Vice President Al Gore's book about global warming instead of the usual bible. According to the hotel manager they firmly believe in recycling and it is not sacrilegious to wipe your ass with Gore’s book.