May 15th 2007

Mitt Romney
During an interview with 60 minutes GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney scored big points among conservatives when he said he had no premarital sex with his now wife. He also scored big points among liberals because when he answered the question he said "I did not have premarital sex with that woman."

Republican Mitt Romney is expected to report financial assets between $190 million and $250 million. Democrat John Kerry is expected to propose to him.

Brokeback Mountain
A girl and her grandparents have sued the Chicago Board of Education, alleging that a substitute teacher showed the R-rated film Brokeback Mountain in class. The teacher claims the showing was part of the Bush administration program "No children’s behind left" to recruit pages for the U.S. congress.

Grenade
Another grenade was discovered in a portable toilet in Richmond Park, California Monday, the third grenade discovery incident in three days. Police recommended that if you really want to cover your fart noises when you are defecating, flushing the toilet would be enough.

Bush
After delivering a speech in Virginia, President Bush surprised everyone when he suddenly stepped in and conducted the orchestra that was there to play music for his exit. Apparently, is not enough with being the decider and the commander, not he wants to be the conductor.

Iraq
Iraq's interior ministry has decided to bar news photographers and camera operators from the scenes of bomb attacks because they don’t want to give terrorists information that they achieved their goals. Apparently they are going to allow only Katie Couric’s camera crew, because not even terrorists watch her show.

Stallone Sylvester
Stallone has pleaded guilty to bringing Human Growth Hormone to Australia. He also pleaded guilty to bringing Rocky 5 and 6.

We all go postal
Stamps went up to 41 cents. Unfortunately the US postal office will not enjoy a growth in their revenues because now they are forced to hire bodyguards to protect the mail carriers.

Let’s go nuts
On Saturday, more than 300 people showed up at the ninth annual Testicle Festival at Mama's Place Bar and Grill in Elderon, in central Wisconsin, and paid $5 for all-you-can-eat deep fried goat, lamb and bull’s testicles. They expected more people but some decided not to pay to eat fried animal testicles and got them for free in any of the California fires.