October 11th 2007

Hey there, I just wanted to thank my friend Ken and Newsday for posting some of my jokes. It is really an honor to be part of such a prestigious paper together with such great comedy writers. It made my day. Thanks
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun5408573oct11,0,6594962.story

Lindsay
Lindsay Lohan says she wants to go on a charity trip to Africa after rehab. Africans are hopeful Lohan is going to solve the hunger problem; they are already planning meals with all the road kill she is going to cause.

Embassy
The opening of the mammoth new U.S. embassy in Iraq has been postponed. Apparently the contractor is waiting orders from the Bush administration to start building the in-law house in Iran.

Britney
Britney Spears is releasing her new album called “Blackout," not to be confused with the name of the latest GOP presidential debate called: Blacks out.

Arizona nightclubs are setting up special events, where women are encouraged to bring their infants to the club with them. The events are known as "Britney’s Night."

The new Britney Spears album will drop two weeks earlier than planned, due to widespread Internet leaks. Blackout will hit the stores October 30th, and the cover will be used to scare people in Halloween.

Bathroom
The fire department determined the cause of the fire that affected a bathroom in the senate building. Apparently, the fire started from a spark originated with so much foot rubbing in one of the stalls.

Charlie Sheen
The "New York Daily News" reports that Charlie Sheen once owned a $6,000 full-sized, anatomically-correct cheerleader doll. Unfortunately for Sheen, he was still forced to wear protection, because the doll was from China.

Chimpanzees
German researchers claim that chimpanzees make more rational choices than human beings. After reading the news, Dick Cheney set everything to go Chimpanzee hunting.