October 9th 2007

Bush
President Bush denied emphatically once again that there is or was any kind of torture during his administration. Some people disagree and say that the very President of the US has repeatedly water boarded the English language.

Britney Spears
After a week away from her kids, Britney Spears spent time with her boys on Monday. There was an awkward moment when Britney told one of her kids that he looked so big; she was actually talking to a court-appointed supervisor.

According to TMZ, Britney Spears applied for the position of Bartender at the Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica. If she flashes her privates for free, can you imagine what she would do for a tip?

Britney as a bartender is like Rush Limbaugh as a clerk in the pharmacy section of Wallgreens.

Britney as a bartender is like Larry Craig working as those people that hand you towels in the men rooms.

Britney as a bartender is like O.J. as repo guy.

Britney as a bartender is like Michael Vick in charge of a doggy day care.

Blackwater
Iraqi authorities want the U.S. government to sever all contracts with Blackwater USA in Iraq. Unfortunately, not even the Bush administration dares face those crazy mercenaries to tell them that.

Mexican president
Mexican President Felipe Calderon said in an interview Monday that countries should be "building bridges, not fences." The Bush administration concurs with him and that is why they hired illegal immigrants to rebuild the bridge that collapsed in Minneapolis.

Mexican President Felipe Calderon said in an interview Monday that the exodus of Mexicans is not a boom to the Mexican economy, because the country is losing ambitious young people. I kind of agree, the other day my gardener, Juan, asked me for a second glass of water.

Al Sharpton
Reverend Al Sharpton wants Knicks fans to not go to the Madison Square Garden until Isiah Thomas apologizes for his remarks against women. Like Knew York Knick fans need another excuse to not attend the games besides the pathetic team they have now.

Bob Barker
Bob Barker was sued Friday by a former Price is Right employee who claims that he sexually harassed her. Apparently, he left his denture stuck to her butt as evidence.