October 16th 2007

Al Qaeda
Marine Corps Commandant Gen. James Conway said on Monday that the U.S. military has crippled al Qaeda in Iraq. That is really dangerous, though, because now al Qaeda can get closer to their targets by parking in the disable parking spots.

Bush
President Bush said Monday that he thinks some day there will be a lady president and that she will be a Republican. Political analysts still wonder weather he was encouraging Larry Craig to run or he was referring to Giuliani in drag.

Rescued
Three college students, two women and a man, exploring a cave got lost but were rescued Sunday, more than a day after they entered the cavern. Immediately after being rescued, the guy told the firefighters: “Dude, couldn’t you have given me a couple of days?”

Fat Burrito
Hardee's is now offering a 920-calorie breakfast burrito. But if you want something lighter, you can always get the Giuliani special which has only 911 calories.

Hardee's has rolled out its new Country Breakfast Burrito that has 920 calories. Apparently it comes with one or two fat illegals inside.

Chubby
A 27-year-old fat German person fell more than 20 feet and slammed into the ground stomach first and was saved because of his ample girth. Unfortunately, 20 people that were walking on the sidewalk at the moment died squashed against the floor.

dogsindanger.com
A new website called dogsindanger.com counts down to when orphaned dogs will be put to sleep. Apparently, that is Michael Vick’s favorite porn site.

Saw
Saw actor Tobin Bell said that children can learn some very positive messages from these movies. For example: do only one original thing in your life and live the rest of your days ripping off that idea.

Ransacked
A Washington woman accused of inviting people to ransack her aunt’s house pleaded guilty and might end up in jail. Experts wonder if this could be taken as precedent against President Bush for letting people ransack the Republican Party.