December 12th 2007

Recession
According to a new CNN/Opinion Research Corporation poll released Tuesday 57 percent of the people now believe the nation is in a recession, the other 43 percent could not answer the poll because their phones got disconnected for not paying the bill.

Rambo
Sylvester Stallone shot the new Rambo movie which is set for release early next year. Where is the CIA when we really need them to destroy a tape?

Alex Trebek
Longtime "Jeopardy!" host Alex Trebek was hospitalized Tuesday after a minor heart attack. When asked about the cause of the heart attack, a spokesman for the show said "What’s old age?"

Energy Source
Scientists think they have discovered the energy source of the spectacular color displays seen in the northern lights. Apparently, the energy comes from Al Gore’s gigantic house every time he turns all the lights on.

Scientists think they have discovered the energy source of the spectacular color displays seen in the northern lights. Apparently, the energy comes from my neighbor’s, Billy Bob, who just decorated his trailer for Christmas.

Scientists think they have discovered the energy source of the spectacular color displays seen in the northern lights. Apparently, the energy comes from Daniel Craig’s blue penetrating eyes, said a gay scientist.

Bobby Petrino
Bobby Petrino resigned as Atlanta Falcons coach on Tuesday with the team mired in last place in the NFC South Division with a 3-10 record. Fortunately for him, Michael Vick was in jail, because we all know what Michael Vick used to do with those that under-performed.

Christmas
A hotel chain Tuesday said it was offering couples called Joseph and Mary in Britain, Ireland and Spain free accommodation this Christmas, on proof of marriage and name. The hotel chain is insured on this one, because in small letters it also says that like Mary, you need to be a virgin.

Pardon
President George W. Bush granted pardons to 29 people on Tuesday from a variety of crimes including cocaine distribution, marijuana manufacturing, mail fraud and bank embezzlement. The president said he did it this early so they all have time to start their political campaigns in their own districts.

Robot
Former President Bill Clinton was speaking in Iowa City Monday when a man dressed as a robot heckled him. Apparently, Al Gore is still mad at the Clintons for the 2000 elections.

Former President Bill Clinton was speaking in Iowa City Monday when a man dressed as a robot heckled him. Bill said he was not bothered; after all, the robot still managed to show more emotions than Hillary.