February 4th 2008

Punxsutawney Phil
Like every February 2nd, Punxsutawney Phil was pulled from its stump by members of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club Inner Circle. Unfortunately, this time it wasn’t to predict the length of the winter; it was just another victim of foreclosure.

Punxsutawney Phil saw its shadow Saturday, leading the groundhog to forecast six more weeks of winter. And then, like in the last bunch of years, Punxsutawney Phil went on a rant about the devastating effects of global warming.

Big Breasts
According to a Canadian study, women with big breasts may be at a higher risk of diabetes. Apparently, it has to do with the fact that big-breasted women have access to too many sugar daddies.

Amnesia
Comedian Dennis Miller is going to host a TV show called “Amnesia.” Apparently, the show is about how he forgot to be funny.

Bill Clinton
According to a FOX News poll released Friday, Hillary Clinton is the most likely candidate to "do anything, including something unethical to win" the election. Bill Clinton immediately refuted the poll saying that he knows as a fact there are some things that Hillary will never do.

Smile
Thousands of Americans are heading to Ciudad Juarez and other Mexican border cities for cheap dental treatment. Unfortunately for them, they don’t feel like smiling when they are under the spell of Montezuma’s revenge.

Debate
The last Democratic presidential debate “drew 8,324,000 million total viewers, making it the most-watched primary debate in cable news history. Since the writers are on strike, people know that this is the only good comedy available on TV.

Edwards
During his presidential Campaign, candidate John Edwards helped a person with a cleft palate that was never able to talk speak again. Apparently, that was what tipped Edwards to quit the race because the guy’s first words were “I am going to vote for Obama.”

Britney
"Us Weekly" says that someone stole some, quote, "valuable possessions" from Britney's house sometime late last week. Not surprisingly, her albums were untouched.

The “I”
The movie “The Eye” hit theaters this weekend. It didn’t do well at the box office because some people thought it was a Thriller and others a movie about Tyra Banks: “I did this, I did that…”

Brady
Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady may have accepted the wedding proposal of a Mexican TV reporter. Apparently, he didn’t fall in love. He was just looking for an excuse to go and hide in Mexico.